boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
