cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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