You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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