She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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