i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
