I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
