you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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