Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
