hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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