i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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