Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
