My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
