my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize