what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
