So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize