My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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