she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's just like the Real World with babies
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
