What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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