So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
are you so shy because you have an std?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
