I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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