My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
