My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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