i barfeds in our rink
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
