I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize