At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
