I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Are my feet made of real feet?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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