I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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