well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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