i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
