Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
