So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize