Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
