"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
