Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
