im about as happy as oj after his trial
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
