Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
