yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
