What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
