Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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