We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
