dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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