hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
