She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
