Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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