All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
