I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
