Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I look better un-naked...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
