chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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