Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
