sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
