i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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