well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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