i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All I want is dick and wine.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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