Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
