he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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