I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
