Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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