If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
