Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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