i just wanna soil my oats bro
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
